What To Do If You Run Out Of Toilet Paper


A reaction to the coronavirus, and the belief that we'ill be quarantined for a couple of weeks, has led to a scarcity of the toilet paper. Whatever the reason:

  • "There's none on the shelves, so I better find some in by at all."
  • "I better buy as much as I can before the crazies take it all."

This has cleared the shelves of TP and we better have an alternative if we run out.

A bidet (pronounced bih-day)

The French are best known for having these little sinks next to the toilet. After you do your thang, you move over to the bidet that shoots a gentle water spray at your bottom to get you clean.

Of course those can be expensive and you need a plumber. But there are simpler ways. You can purchase one through Amazon or at your hardware store that attaches to your toilet seat. I installed one for someone yesterday. It took about 10 minutes and they described the cleaning spray as a pleasant sense sensation. For a little more money, you can purchase a bidet that warms the water before it hits your body. Sounds worth the extra money.

The Tabo (pronounced TAH-boh)

Used mainly in the Philippines and Southeat Asia, the tabo is a small scoop with a handle. It comes with a bucket. You scoop water out of the bucket and pour down your back side until you feel clean.

The Redneck Bidet

Using a plumbing splitter you can get at the hardware store, you attach the spray hose you normally buy for your sink in the kitchen. When you squeeze the trigger, water splashes in the direction your point.

The Gomph

All of the above items would definitely be preferred to the gomph. This was used in days of the Vikings. They would clean themselves with sheep's wool attached to a stick. Hopefully they were "one use". But, probably not. Eww.