Woody and Jim

Woody and Jim

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Kim Jong Un Demands His Citizens Poop More (We're not making this up)

Anti-Government Protests Continue In Hong Kong Amid The Coronavirus Pandemic

Photo: Getty Images AsiaPac

For the sake of the country's food supply, Kim Jong Un has demanded his citizens poop more. North Korea's dictator is going to great lengths to make sure the people of his country help their manure problem.

Un has made big headlines by testing missiles, but the story that has snuck under the radar is this one.

It's no secret that the people in North Korea are starving for food. The problem has been brewing for about two years, ever since China stopped sending fertilizer for farms. Last year, South Korea offered to send fertilizer or manure, but the dictator refused to take it. Now he wants his people to take a number two.

Businessman sitting on toilet, low section (wide angle)

Photo: Stone RF

According to Daily NK, which monitors North Korea from inside the country, entry into markets is closed to those who fail to fulfill their quotas. That's right, POOP QUOTAS!

"Authorities were “essentially pressuring people” to qualify for a “manure pass”, the news organization said. Much like you need a vaccination card in South Korea, people have to carry around papers that report how much they've pooped for Korea.

People are expected to produce 200 kilograms for each household t0 500 kilograms for everyone working in state factories, Daily NK reported. But the good news for North Koreans, the afternoon markets have been opening later so people have extra time to poop.


Photo: Getty Images

And if you felt like this story was something out of The Onion to this point, this will make it feel even more fake. It doesn't just stop at poop. Radio Free Asia is reporting that Korea wants its citizens to give up their urine to increase the fertility of their farm fields.

That same news agency said workers were “forced to bring two liters of urine per person per day to mix into the compost pile until the production goal is achieved” and had to “keep track of their donated urine in a record book.”

Ill man needs to go to the proctologist

Photo: Getty Images

Daily NK reported “The authorities are apparently generating an atmosphere of competition,” and officials were “focused on fulfilling their quotas, afraid that units that fall behind will face ‘thorough review’—a euphemism obviously for severe punishment.”

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