The only way these porch pirates could've taken themselves more literally is if they'd worn eye patches and parrots on their shoulders.
A woman named India Gardner in Detroit, Michigan got home from work on Saturday and found porch pirates had hit her house.
But they didn't steal Amazon or UPS boxes off her porch. No . . . they stole her ENTIRE PORCH.
The green wooden stairs, railings, and small porch that HAD been in front of her house were completely missing.
She says she's filing a police report to try to find her porch.
(Here's a picture with the porch, and without.)