Want to know more about Jonathan? Get their official bio, social pages & articles on 1075 The River!Full Bio


Please Tell Me What This Monster Outside My House Is

I killed a spider last night.  Wait, I'm sorry, let me rephrase.  I killed a mutant last night that should not be have been alive in the first place.

I'll preface this by saying that I'm not scared of spiders.  They really don't bother long as they're perfectly normal-sized spiders.

What I witnessed last night outside my kitchen window was not a normal-sized spider.  In fact, it's possible this was actually the bad guy from Jeepers Creepers.  

My apologies for the kind of blurry picture, but that was from 20 feet away and that's as close as I was getting to that thing without a blowtorch.

I have so many questions.  Like WHERE ARE IT'S OTHER LEGS!?!?! Spiders have 8 legs, right? So why does this one just have four mutant super-fused legs? Why is it so big? What's the weird white thing? Are the dots it's eyes of evil staring a whole into my soul?

By the way, because I'm a true American hero, Super Spider is no longer with us.  I threw a boot at it to knock it from it's throne (otherwise known as the web hanging from my door frame).  I then proceeded to stomp it multiple times until it was curled into a rather large ball of legs and nightmares, and then I pressure washed it's remains to drown it's evil intentions.  

The question I have though, for all of you spider experts...WHAT IN THE CRAP IS THIS THING??? I swear I've never seen anything like it and I'm somewhat afraid that I may have just killed Satan himself and the consequences will be devastating.  

Make me smarter....go!

Sponsored Content

Sponsored Content