President Trump's "Diet Coke" Button Has Been Removed


There have been many changes in our country over the last 48 hours - a new President, the first ever female Vice-President, new members of Congress, a bevy of executive orders, and the removal of a mysterious red button from the President's desk in the Oval Office.

Wait...red button!? That sounds important.

Is it a direct line to the Pentagon? An alert of some kind? No, in fact, President Trump allegedly had a red button on his desk to summon...

Diet Coke.

Apparently, President Biden doesn't care for the sweet, delicious, sugary blast of wonderful caffeine that is a can of ice cold Diet Coke. The button has since been removed, and I would like to know WHY?!

Sure, the two men couldn't be any more different in terms of their policies, values, and political beliefs, but who couldn't agree on the need to be served a 12 ounce injection of go-juice by your personal butler on a silver platter? This is befuddling to me.

The report has been confirmed by others that have knowledge of the administration.

Needless to say, I think we can put all of our political differences aside and admit that the Diet Coke Butler Button is AMAZING

A bit extra? Absolutely. An unnecessary luxury even for the leader of the free world? Perhaps. But I'm not ashamed to tell you I'm a bit jealous.

So, now my next question: Does the button still exist? Is it in some Presidential archive somewhere for future Commanders-in-Chief to bring back into the fold? Or is it available for sale in some White House yard sale? How does one acquire a magical Diet Coke Butler Button? Asking for a friend.

It's me. The friend is me. I would like a Diet Coke Butler Button. Plz help.