Let's be honest -- sex-education is -- more often than not -- a frickin' mess, particularly because abstinence tends to be pushed on kids more than ~*cOmPrEhEnSiVe*~ education.
So prepare to straight up roll your eyes and scream incredulously at this actual list of 101 alternatives to sex that's featured in a sex-ed manual called Sex & Relationships.
Number 26 casually tells kids to suck each other's toes.
NUMBER 36 TELLS THEM TO PROPOSE MARRIAGE.
NUMBER 58 SAYS 'HEY EACH OF YOU SUCK THE END OF A LONG PIECE OF SPAGHETTI!'
NUMBER 98 SAYS 'YO SURPRISE THEM BY GIFTING THEM SOME NICE UNDERWEAR.'
14-year-old Emma Lawrence was handed this riff-raff in class, and told NY Post that she and her fellow students just laughed at it. “We asked the teacher and she said, ‘You don’t know if you like it until you try it.’ I was shocked,” she said.
**I mean, I'm sorry, but how is telling kids to nibble each other's ears, gift each other nice underwear, and suck each other's toes supposed to ease sexual tension among horny teenagers?! AND WHAT ARE WE DOING TO EDUCATE THEM ABOUT ACTUALLY HAVING SEX?!**
Parents, please talk to your kids.
And kids, if you have questions about sex, please reach out to a trustworthy adult. We gotta do better.